Phoenix Wright: Hopeless Hobo
by Empress Venus
Summary: Phoenix is doomed to become a lonely hobo when certain friends leave him all alone, some of them doing rather unexpected things.


**Phoenix Wright: Hopeless Hobo**

* * *

So, Phoenix Wright becomes a hobo in the fourth Ace Attorney game. For some odd reason, Edgeworth, Maya and Pearl are noticeably absent, even in flashbacks. But why? I'll just present some odd crack theory that makes very little sense, as I write about Phoenix's path to becoming a hobo. For the record, I'm sure Maya and Pearl are actually in Kurain.

Spoilers for the fourth game. Consider yourself warned.

* * *

Phoenix Wright stood at the door, leaning against the side in a casual manner as he gazed at the man in the very middle of the room. A dark haired man, his age, with a red suit and a personal love of cravats.

As Miles Edgeworth snapped the briefcase shut, he looked up at Phoenix with his usual serious expression. "It's time for me to return to Europe now, I do have a job over there after all." He lifted the briefcase and walked toward the door, before coming to a stop and looking into Phoenix's brown eyes.

"Thanks again," Phoenix said, inclining his head in a small nod. He had to swallow the lump that rose in his throat. Edgeworth was leaving again so soon, and he was rarely ever around. The defense attorney had to admit that often he missed the former prosecutor. "For coming over to help on such short notice."

"It was the least I could do," Edgeworth said, looking away uncomfortably. He sensed Phoenix's disappointment and he knew it had been such a short time, but he was needed elsewhere. Europe might be a long way away, but it was his home now. "Oh, I just remembered something. Your friend, Maya..."

"What about Maya?" Phoenix asked immediately, staring at him with a wide-eyed expression. The cheerful spirit medium from Kurain Village was not someone he expected Edgeworth to bring up in the middle of a conversation.

"She hasn't said anything to you yet, has she?" Edgeworth said quietly, gazing up at the ceiling with misty eyes. "Wright... I know you're going to be rather surprised and you will certainly not be expecting it. Honestly, even I'm surprised myself."

"Tell me!" Phoenix exclaimed, not liking the idea that Edgeworth was keeping secrets from him, especially those connected to Maya. What did Edgeworth know about Maya that he didn't? "Is something wrong with Maya?"

"Oh, no, it's nothing like that. Don't worry," Edgeworth reassured him, looking back at Phoenix with a strange smile. He stood still for a moment then exhaled heavily. "Anyway, I should be going to the airport now. Maya will tell you herself."

Phoenix wanted to press Edgeworth, he really did, but he knew that he was simply too stubborn and would never relent. Phoenix sighed. "Fine. I suppose she will tell me. Goodbye, Edgeworth."

"Farewell, Wright," Edgeworth murmured, before leaving the room. Phoenix turned and watched silently as Edgeworth walked down the hallway and turned, vanishing yet again. He wondered when he would next see him.

Then his cellphone started ringing. Phoenix quickly pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the display. Maya's name showed up in bold black digits. He answered. "Maya? What's up?"

"Hey, Nick," Maya spoke in a rush. "I'm feeling really hungry right now, so why don't we go out and eat some burgers? I'll meet you at the usual place!" She paused, then spoke again, her voice sounding lower. "There's also something I need to talk to you about."

This had to be what Edgeworth was talking about. Phoenix swallowed nervously, wondering what she could possibly want to speak about. "Alright, I'll see you there in a few minutes." He hung up, feeling quite confused. Just what was going on?

Phoenix hurried over to the burger place and found Maya staring hungrily at people eating their burgers. Some of the people were looking a little disturbed by the fact that a girl was staring at them. Phoenix sighed in exasperation. He had told Maya several times not to stare at people's food, she wasn't a dog, but still she did it.

"Hey, Maya, I told you not to stare at people when they are eating," Phoenix said gently, walking up to her and tapping her on the shoulder. "I think they are on the verge of having you kicked out."

"Nick!" Maya exclaimed a little too loudly, spinning around to gaze at him with a very bright smile. Somehow, she seemed a bit agitated, judging by the sound of her voice. "You finally got here!"

"What do you mean, finally?" Phoenix asked, sounding a little affronted. "I got here as fast as I could."

Maya just giggled awkwardly and took his arm, pulling him to the counter where people were serving burgers. "Let's hurry up and eat already, I'm so hungry! Hmm, I wonder what I'll have today, maybe a Double Burger with extra fries and onion rings..."

As the two sat down, Phoenix found that he did not have much of an appetite and ended up slowly chewing at his burger yet never seeming to make a dent in it, while watching Maya all the while. Maya did not seem to be bothered by his stare as she happily chowed down the food in front of her. Eventually, after finishing her meal and pinching some of Phoenix's fries, Maya seemed ready to talk.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Phoenix reminded her, dabbing away a blob of ketchup from his mouth with a white napkin. Maya glanced up at him, looking startled, as if she had somehow forgotten why she dragged him here in the first place. It had to be something other than an empty stomach.

"Oh, yeah," Maya said quietly, pushing away her plate slightly and sitting back. The chair creaked slightly as she shifted, but she paid it no heed. "I need to tell you, I'm going away soon."

"Back to Kurain, right?" Phoenix looked doubtful as he said it, however. Maya couldn't possibly be bothered about such a small thing. "You're the Master now... after your mother..." He fell silent, sure that she still had to be reeling from the shock of learning that her mother was murdered after hiding for so long.

"Actually, no. I won't be going back to Kurain," Maya said, a flicker of a smile passing across her lips. "It's not a rule that the Master has to stay in Kurain, is it? My mother was the Master for over twenty years, and she wasn't even there for most of it."

Phoenix's eyes widened and he leaned forward, feeling extremely confused now. Maya was going somewhere that wasn't Kurain, and Edgeworth knew of this? He had a nasty feeling it should be obvious at this point but he was just going to ignore the nasty feeling even if it pointed and laughed at him afterward. "Where then?"

"Guess," Maya teased, a big grin on her face. She tilted her head. "I bet you can't get it in three tries. But surely you should be able to, Nick."

"Uh... is it very far?" Phoenix asked desperately. "Or is it still in the United States?"

"Way out of the United States," Maya said, smirking faintly. "You think I'd call you up to tell you I was going on a vacation?"

Phoenix bit back a retort that would have gone along the lines of 'Yes, you call me over every little thing', and instead focused on the fact Maya had just said she was leaving the States. Goodness, where was she going? "Canada?"

"Come on, Nick!" Maya pressed. "I said WAY out of the States."

"Japan?" Phoenix guessed weakly.

"Nope. One more guess left."

"Please tell me... you're not going to Europe..." Phoenix pleaded, his voice sounding strained. As a triumphant smile plasted itself upon Maya's face and she clapped, he immediately felt the urge to faint.

"Correct! I'm going to Europe to live with Mr Edgeworth," Maya said, looking completely passive as she said the sentence that would floor Phoenix, as that nasty feeling pointed and laughed at him. And that was exactly what happened, as he crashed to the floor. "Nick? Oh, no! Nick! Nick!"

Everyone in the burger restaurant looked around and stared in annoyance as that girl who stared at their food like a dog hunched over a defense attorney fainted on the floor, frantically shaking him and trying to wake him up, while screaming his name in worry.

* * *

Phoenix awoke a day later in the hospital, surrounded by flowers and get well cards, and was rather surprised at his situation. How had he ended up here again? The confused lawyer sat up and looked around the room in wonder.

Then the door opened and a smiling nurse stepped in. "Oh, you are awake, Mr Wright. At last, we were beginning to wonder when you would come to."

"I'm sorry, what?" Phoenix stared at the nurse, glancing at her nametag as she approached the bed. The tag declared her to be Florence Healy. The horribly obvious pun made him want to throw up in disgust and then shoot himself in the head, but he resisted the urge. "How did I get here?"

"You don't remember, Mr Wright?" Florence murmured, whipping a thermometer out of her pocket. "Well, let me just take your temperature and run some checks, then we will see about discharging you."

"Please tell me how I got here!" Phoenix demanded, feeling quite worried. How come he couldn't remember how he had ended up here? The last thing he remembered was saying goodbye to Edgeworth, and then it was all kind of blurry.

"Alright, fine," Florence said, tutting in annoyance and raising a slender eyebrow. "You were brought in here by some friend, an odd looking girl with strange clothes, yesterday. However, she had to leave eventually, but she was very worried about you."

So, Maya had brought him here? Phoenix tried to remember, had he seen Maya after talking to Edgeworth? Then in a startling series of flashbacks, he remembered it all.

Maya. And. Edgeworth. Together.

Amid Florence's shocked cries, Phoenix fainted, his head hitting a nice, soft pillow which was much more comfortable than the burger bar's floor that had given him a concussion, ten stitches and temporary memory loss.

Eventually, Phoenix came to again and was discharged from the hospital now that he was finally starting to get around the fact Maya and Edgeworth together. It made no sense whatsoever, but denying it wasn't going to change anything. Maybe he should go find Maya and apologise for fainting on the floor in the burger bar.

On the way to his office, Phoenix passed by the burger bar and came to a stop, peering at a notice taped to the window. The notice said: "Banned: Sal Manella, Drew Ling, Ant Sinpants, Manny Koffs, Maya Fey." Judging by the bizarre names, he figured Drew Ling tended to drool, Ant Sinpants scratched his butt and Manny Koffs coughed often. Parents these days either tried too hard or didn't try hard enough.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Phoenix continued on to the Wright and Co. Law Office. Upon entering the building, the first thing he did was water Charley, who was looking rather neglected as of late, but at least the poor plant wasn't being drowned by Pearl Fey. Phoenix then peered out the window, once again watching the Gatewater Hotel nearby, and caught sight of a woman changing. Evidently, she had forgotten to close the blinds.

The defense attorney might have been happy to keep watching, but there were more important matters at hand. Phoenix sighed and turned around, catching sight of an envelope upon the desk. His name was of course scrawled across it. Recognising it as Maya's writing, he hurriedly snatched it up and ripped it open.

A folded piece of paper slipped out and drifted to the floor. Phoenix reached down and picked it up, carefully reading over the writing. His heart sank as he took in the words and he almost fainted again, mostly at the fact that Maya was referring to Edgeworth by his first name. Who even called him Miles? Well, apart from Franziska...

This was serious. Even worse, Maya had already left for Europe without even saying goodbye, but she was very sorry for causing him injury. Her excuse for leaving already? Missing her dear Miles. She also told him to take good care of Pearly and to keep on solving cases. As if he would do otherwise.

Phoenix was feeling physically sick and depressed at this point as he put the paper back in the envelope. He sat on the couch and continued to mope, cursing Edgeworth for taking Maya away and cursing life for suddenly making no sense at all. An hour later, Pearl burst into the office, gasping for breath after her long run, with a panicked look on her face.

"Oh, Pearls," Phoenix murmured, lifting his head slightly. Suddenly, the brown-haired child was on his lap and crying. "What's wrong?"

"Mystic Maya!" Pearl burst out, sobbing and waving a piece of paper in his face. "She disappeared! I think she was kidnapped again! I found this..."

Phoenix took the paper and read it carefully. It was simply a brief note from Maya saying she was leaving. Perhaps she had forgotten about Pearl's inability to read. "It's okay. Look, it says 'Leaving for Europe. Take care of the village. Maya.'" How brief it was...

"R-really?" Pearl sniffled and stared at the paper. "It's really written by Mystic Maya? Wait... what is this... yewup?"

"It's another country, far across the sea," Phoenix told her. "Maya's gone there to live with Edgeworth. Do you remember him, Pearls?"

"That nice prosecutor?" Pearl asked, her eyes lighting up.

Nice prosecutor. Phoenix found that very ironic... and for that matter, he hadn't done any prosecuting in over a year. But he was hardly about to correct the young and curious girl on these small facts. So he simply nodded.

"Wait... but what about you?" Pearl asked. "Why would she go live with Mr. Edgeworth?"

"She loves him, it seems," Phoenix said. Pearl stared wide-eyed at him. Then the thunderous sound of a Phoenix and Maya shipper's heart breaking into several pieces sounded throughout the room. Pearl threw back her head and screamed in defeat, lightning crashing behind her.

Phoenix blinked and shook his head. That nasty blow to his head must have affected his imagination. He looked concernedly at Pearl, who was now backing away, her face pale. Then in an instant, she was gone and the office door was slamming behind her.

"Pearls?" Phoenix's head whipped around and he realised what had happened. "Pearls!" He jumped up and tried to chase after her, but it was simply too difficult and soon enough the nine-year-old was lost somewhere in the city and he had no idea where she was. That kid was just too fast...

Oh well, she wouldn't get lost or anything with her excellent sense of direction. Perhaps she was going back to Kurain now. Hoping that was the case, Phoenix dully walked back to the office.

Little did the defense attorney know, Pearl never returned to Kurain. Somehow, she wound up at the Berry Big Circus, guided there by her love of magic. They needed a new acrobat and Pearl was very willing to do it for them. So Kurain ended up without a single channeler and in time, nobody could remember what was so special about the place.

Two months later, Phoenix took on a case and ended up losing his badge. It was either Maya's fault for abandoning him (and Pearl too, since he couldn't use the deus ex machina ghost, Mia), or his own fault for thinking using a piece of paper a little girl gave him as evidence was a good idea. The girl herself had no idea it was fake, so he could hardly blame her.

So Phoenix adopted the girl, Trucy, and started the slow, agonising descent to becoming a hobo. First, he got rid of the suit and wore tracksuits instead, then he stopped shaving and he was well and truly on the way to Hoboville. Eating Chinese takeaway with Trucy in a box sure was a fun pasttime. Sure, he kept the office, but he loved boxes now!

As for Maya, Pearl and Edgeworth... who knew what they were doing now? He was far too busy being a hobo to keep up with their lives too.

* * *

Maya laughed as she ran across the garden after the frisky Shiba Inu. The happy dog yapped and wagged its tail. "Pesu! Come here!" Nearby, Edgeworth was sitting in a deckchair with a Martini in hand and angsting. His reason for angsting was quite simple. They had run out of Twinkies again, no thanks to Maya.

Edgeworth let out a heavy, heartbreaking sigh and turned his soulful eyes to the sky, tears brimming at the corners. Then, in a sad voice, he whispered, "I wonder how Wright is doing back in America. Is it true that he got fired? Oh... Twinkies..." A single, oily teardrop rolled down his porcelain skin and splashed to the emerald grass below.

"Yeah, he said something about losing his job in his last text message," Maya said nonchalantly, not seeming too bothered about it. She gave up on chasing Pesu and walked over to the deckchair. "Hey, why don't we snuggle?"

"I'm sorry..." Edgeworth said faintly, a soft sigh escaping his lips. He slowly shook his head from side to side. "I just don't feel like it today. Not having any Twinkies is making me feel sad."

"Well... I know how to cheer you up!" Maya said with a mischevious grin. She was quite sure her plan to make Edgeworth happy again would work, so she quickly called for the one person she felt she could count on.

Edgeworth raised his head to look at Maya, and his heart sank as he realised Maya was no longer Maya and he was now looking at a pair of giant breasts belonging to a dead woman, none other than Mia Fey. Mia leaned over, her huge rack almost hitting Edgeworth in the face, and he cringed.

"Maya called me down," Mia said, smirking at Edgeworth. "Is something wrong? Oh, I know," she said, reaching up and tapping her chin. "You're being angsty again? Well, I can do something about that." Her mouth stretched into a familiar smirk.

"Mia... look," Edgeworth said patiently, disgustedly trying not to look at her boobs. That proved a difficult task however. "No offence, but you are kind of dead and I do not bend that way."

Mia straightened herself and put her hands on her hips, frowning slightly at him. "Maya went to the trouble of calling me, she's obviously worried about you. Why don't we at least cuddle? That might cheer you up a bit."

"If you want a cuddle, then go and find a necrophiliac," Edgeworth said rudely, folding his arms and looking away. Mia stood and stared at him, looking even more annoyed. Her annoyance reached new peaks as he continued ignoring her, even whistling for Pesu and letting the dog jump onto his lap.

There had to be a way to get his attention. Mia pointed at her rack, feeling quite desperate. "Boobies?"

"Aren't you a good dog, Pesu?" Edgeworth asked fondly, rubbing his head. "Yes, you are a very good dog. I love you." He wrapped his arms around the dog and hugged him. Pesu let out a happy whine. Edgeworth did not even look up as the frustrated Mia ripped Maya's shirt apart and exposed her breasts.

Mia gave up and stormed back to the mansion where Edgeworth and Maya lived. She sat down at a table with a notepad and quickly scribbled a note to Maya. "Edgeworth would not even look at my boobs. Are you sure he's not gay? Sorry about the shirt. Mia."

Then Mia left Maya's body. Maya stared at the note and pouted. Even her sister hadn't managed to cheer Edgeworth up? Then she looked down at her shirt and cried out. That was an expensive silk shirt Mia had ruined! That was the last time Maya was going to try using her sister to cheer Edgeworth up. The sulking spirit medium got up and walked to the bedroom to change into a new top.

Outside, Edgeworth answered his ringing cellphone. "Ah, Detective Gumshoe. Everything is fine here, I am having a good time. Yes, I am absolutely healthy, there's no need to worry about me. Really, don't worry too much."

Edgeworth paused, listening to more of Gumshoe's rambling while patting Pesu, then resumed speaking, "I heard about Wright being fired. Oh, he's living in a box with a kid? I'm sure you're just imagining it, that's ridiculous."

Then his eyebrows shot right up as he listened even more. "Not shaving? Really? Maybe he just wants to have a beard. Is it so unlikely? Not washing his clothes? Are you sure about that? Oh, because he smells like you?"

Soon, the conversation came to an end and Edgeworth hung up, feeling quite perplexed and confused. Maybe Gumshoe was just having a fever and hallucinating. Possibly. How could Wright be living in a box and acting like a hobo? Nonsense, utter nonsense. He believed none of it.

* * *

Pearl was happily oblivious to everything that had gone wrong in Phoenix's life, and quite enjoying her new career as an acrobat at the Berry Big Circus. Nothing was more fun than twirling through the air and dancing on trapezes. How she loved hearing the audience cheer as Moe the Clown announced the Magnificent Pearl Fey.

Not once had she thought of Kurain Village during the time she was here, nor of leaving to go and see Phoenix again. Her life was just too fun right now and she could just forget about her heartbreak. She had hoped so much for Phoenix and Maya to marry and live together, only to have her hopes dashed in an instant.

Still, deep down, she prayed for Phoenix and Maya to reunite, but that was unlikely to happen for some reason. So, while they led separate lives, she enjoyed being an acrobat.

* * *

"So, you see," Phoenix murmured, holding up a beer bottle and sitting in a gutter. "That is how I became a hobo." No, he wasn't drunk, he just liked sitting in gutters. The man of seven years later was quite a contrast to his former self. His spiked hair was covered with a beanie and he wore a tacky tracksuit.

"I see," Apollo Justice, the worst named lawyer ever, said thoughtfully, having listened to Phoenix's pitiful sob story. He had an even worse sob story of his own. The fact his name was Apollo Justice. How cheesy. "But at least you've been cleared of using false evidence now. You could get your job back."

"What's the point?" Phoenix said sadly, letting out a sigh. "The girls in my life abandoned me and my old classmate and friend went away to Europe with one of them. It's just not the same."

"Well, fine," Apollo said, shivering from the cold. He wasn't enjoying sitting on the ground at all. How could Phoenix possibly look so comfortable? "Can we go back to the office now? I'm chilly."

"I feel fine," Phoenix said, shrugging. Then he remembered that Apollo was not a hobo like him and was probably suffering. "But, alright, let's go back now. We shouldn't keep Trucy waiting."

"So, is it really that fun being a hobo?" Apollo asked as the two walked down the street.

"You bet," Phoenix said, swigging from the bottle and smiling. "Seven years ago, I started down this path and I have never once regretted it."


End file.
